Friday, March 23, 2007

Wondering -

There is a constant fight that always goes on between logic and emotions, between reason and religion, between the heart and the brain and plethora other yin-yang forces... Yin - the bright optimistic subjective side and yang - the factual, cold and pessimistic side... What I am wondering is when do I know which force am I supposed to listen to? And even if I do decide on one force, how do I know it is correct?

Logic tells me that India's chances of winning the world cup are slim but faith (or rather blind faith) makes me watch each match with enthusiasm... On the other hand, my heart tells me to take a bike and go to Goa but brain tells me that the idea is not only weird but also not viable....

If there is something I desperately want or someone I desperately want to be with and the odds are not in favour of that taking place, what will I do? Will I still hold on to the thing/person based on only subjective parameters which I want to believe in (and want them to be true under any circumstances) or should I just take statistics into account and forget all about it? One- is this easy and Two - is this correct?

Thus, comes a conundrum which I am faced with time and again. When do I listen to something that cannot be substantiated and lacks substance and when do I go to facts and let them have the final word??? And what happens if I listen to the one I am not supposed to and end up making a huge mistake or just raising my hopes in vain which would then lead to a crash....

At this point in time, I am unsure of my very purpose in life, my future and my goals... I am confused as to what and where I would be like in 5 years down the line.... This uncertainty makes me want to predict my future - something that I believe is basic human nature.... But I have had so many predictions by now that I am as lost as I was at the start of the exercise...
Therefore all I can say is, I have finally succumbed to the inevitable forces of fate and destiny....

A sane person with a perfectly logical POV and rationality has just decided to leave some of my very critical decisions to abstract parameters... to fate, God, destiny etc when I have the power to shape up my own... Am I imbeccile then??? But all I know at this point in my life is that, no facts and rationales can later on answer or explain the vagaries these uncontrollable factors enforce on your life...

Is this the right thing to do - I do not know - I am still wondering!!!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Its simple to be happy but difficult to be simple

I heard Rajesh Khanna say this sentence in Bawarchi, "Its simple to be happy but difficult to be simple" and my brain got food for thought! Why is it difficult to be simple? Is it because we lack the basic definition of 'Being Simple'? This is how my definitions for 'Being Simple' varied over the period of time.

Definition 1: Simple is someone who isnt extravagant. Someone who lives a life within his reach. Someone who isn't brand conscious and does not indulge in frivolity.

This led me to believe that being simple is being someone who has a decent income, is usually wise with money and would not spend 2000 bucks on shoes or 15000 for dinner at Taj. I fit the bill when I was in college. I was all the above and more. I was also socially responsible (meaning I gave back to society whenever I got a chance), I would spend time with friends and family (mostly indoors or once in a while a Shiv Sagar restaurant for special occassions) and was a part of the missed call giving people (so not too high mobile bills). Was it because I was a student with lack of funds and did not want to burden my father with unnecessary demands or was I really simple?

But then I joined the IT industry and I became the part of the yuppy 'gen next' people with cash on hands. I gifted my sister with a cell, my mother with gold set and a microwave, my father with the music system (branded) for our car, went to concerts, got my hair straightened at a branded parlour(which is a very expensive thing to be done) and I have lost the count of how many parties I have been to. Does that mean I am no longer simple? On the same lines we can then say that - a person who earns say 50 bucks in a day and spends 25 bucks on desi daru would be more simple than say a person who earns 15000 a month and spends 250 on a glass of champagne. Can we really equate monetary strength and standard of living with simplicity? Am I not the same person around 3 years ago? If I am (which I am certain of) then why do people around me feel that I am no longer simple. Stumps me and so it makes me want to change the definition of being simple - just the way scientists would do - one theory failed so develop a new one which supports the existing phenomenon.

Definition 2:Simple is someone who is not complicated. Someone who does things in a simple way, someone who has a simple funda in life - I speak my mind and I am clear about issues in my life.

Fairly direct I would say. Thus, a simple person then would mean who is honest and forthright, someone who leads the life their way(irrespective of standard of living), Thus, I could wear expensive Nike shoes and yet be simple. I can tell what things upset me and what dont. What issues I can handle and what I cannot. I can decide how much I spend and how much I can indulge. I dont have to worry about hajar parameters that could affect my living. Thus, an uncomplicated life - and so I am simple. And this definition makes yours truly simple with or without money. But this also makes all business men not simple - they have to worry about profits, markets, prices, reforms etc - and this I agreed to. This made politicians and people in media not simple which was my idea too. But, this definition made Mother Teressa not simple - since she had to keep worrying about many issues in life and did many very complicated things which a normal person could not do. This was something that made me want to change this definition. Mother Teressa is simplicity incarnate. So, if a definition doesn't include her as simple ought to be changed.

Definition 3: Its your ideas, your purpose in life and your character that you have make you simple. And it is possible that you alter your character and still remain simple.

Hmmm... This one looks fine... Business men are simple because they have a simple purpose - profit and so long as they are not criminals. Mother Teressa is because she wanted social reform and went to any length to bring about betterment if her people. I am simple because I want to live my life according to my means, have fun alongwith being responsible and stick to my core set of values. This definition kinda includes everyone doesnt it. And yes it is difficult now to be simple because
- not everyone can pass every test their character is put up against
- not everyone can be focussed on the purpose of their life all the time
- and not everyone always have clear ideas in every situation because life has this uncanny knack of confronting you with most unexpected ones

Thursday, March 08, 2007

And the Argument Continues....

International Women's Day - 8th March.... We gals decided to spend this day by indulging ourselves... We dressed up in our best, were going to go out in the evening and booze and watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S all night long... So, with this entire plan fixed from around 3 days ago; we came to office on 8th March - all excited.... Huged each other, wished each other and complimented on how we were looking all stunning :)... Later in the day, an inconsequential action of a fella forwarding a mail about the importance of Women's day to the guys of the group, started a war of words.... The battle of sexes.... Mails were exchanged and power of words was used to kill... An excerpt from the argument:-

The forward (Deepti) said something like God is definitely a man coz he does some things (like not listening, he has a final word etc) which a man does and women are angels coz they care and make world a better place to live in... So, happy women's day to all God's angels...

reply 1 (Kartik) : Lol… We are so the image of God…I’m God.. God is great :)
And btw.. I fail to understand this women’s day concept.. Do the women want to be noticed only today???? Are all the other days man days?? Calvin fans … Today is a good day to exercise G.R.O.S.S (which incidentally means Get Rid Of Slimy girlS)

reply 2 (Stella) : U guys are so pathetic… bad tht u do not hv a day decicated to men….how come no day dedicated for the MEN????......ill tell u y….cause ur not worth it…… :)
N just for the record... u r not GOD…neither are u created in God’s image…DEVILS!!!....n created in devil’s image n likeliness……

reply 3 (Siddharth) : GOD or DEVILS…still v r revered…

reply 4 (Kartik) :
Every dog has its day...
But MEN don’t have a day dedicated to them…
But today is Women’s day..
So women have a day dedicated to them
Hence proved that ………………… :)))))))

reply 5 (Sharmili - was not active since was not at my desk... Pounced on the opportunity to argue) : International Men’s day is February 23rd…. the logic given by Kartik is more befitting for this day since the genders match too :) Also, its pitiful… These ignorant souls do not know they have a day for themselves…
Being commonplace comes with a heavy price – IGNORANCE!!!!!
About the God thing!! I dunno what gender s/he is!!!
But what I do know is that First god created man and then he got a BETTER idea :))))
From Wikipidea, the day is copied from women and is not even international like ours is :)))))

reply 6 (Kartik) :
Deepti: God is a male.
Sharmili: “About the God thing!! I dunno what gender s/he is!!!”

The above 2 statements just proves that females cant agree on nething… I wont be surprised if Stella comes up with any other logic…Ohh…God definetly didn’t do a good job the second time… I think God also suffers from beginner’s luck ( ref: The Alchemist)… the second time the enthu just wasn’t there….

reply 7 (Stella) :U didn’t celebrate casue u didn’t know it…..Seriously miserable souls…ur just existing…not lliving ur life…. Look at us… being a woman …v r so proud of it….tht we want to celebrate it n let ppl know……
U know the saying na……Man was a draft…woman was the final masterpiece…..Wish god had destroyed the draft after the masterpiece…..
No jhol…no tension…..n it wud have been a real blessing

reply 8 (Sharmili) :
Please let us agree to one Universal Truth - Men exist coz of Women...
So if we are what Kartik is trying to prove we are – then guys just follow the suit :)))))
I like what was said in Jurassic park –
God made Man,
Man made dinosaurs…
Dinosaurs killed Man
And woman rule the world :))))

Of course this reply wasnt left unanswered... The darker sex had something to say which resulted in more mud slinging....

As always, this small argument made me think and blog it.... I wondered to myself what makes the guys indulge in this mud slinging?? How can they ignore the fact that they have always seen their mothers do so many things which their fathers dont do... I love my father and he has ensured us security through all turbulent times... He has a pivotal role to play in what I am today and where I am today.... But when its 2 am in the morning and my stomach starts hurting or I cant sleep, the person I think of is my mother... Is higher EQ (which mothers/women are supposed to have) the only reason for that?? I dont think so... Its just what my mother symbolises... Hajar patience and hajar caring attitude... I am sure all guys have gone to their mothers time and again... If not mothers then its a wife... Thus, despite this knowledge how do men still undermine the position of women in society? Is this society called a male dominated society for any reason other than their higher numbers? A man learns alone but a woman educates the family is an axiom now for betterment of families... Then why are states still grappling with female foeticide, dowry deaths (though I believe they have reduced), low sex ratio, bad treatment of the girl child??? Just celebrating Women's Day internationally is really not making anyone aware of the importance of women... It has become a day for having some activities for the elite strata of the society... A get together similar to one we girls are indulging in... Of course not to add the guy bashing we all resorted to... And if the significance of this day gets restricted to this, I have to say that the battle between sexes will only continue....

Monday, March 05, 2007

Rang Barse!!!!

This Holi I experienced how this festival of colors not only makes you colorful (coz of the layers of colours on u) but also ur life... it gives you a perspective... This is a narrative of a day which gave me a positive outlook towards life and exposed the wild side of seemingly normal and civilised people :))))

Every holi (I can recollect) I have played with my school friends. And every holi with them - had no plans, no organisation and no coordination. That's the deal with my school friends.... They are the most unorganised group I am in but also those with whom I have max fun. Probably being with them during my formative years; is how I get my funda of 'On the Spot' fun :))) Never doubting that planning makes it much easier to have fun but I still like this element of uncertainty and spontaneity. Although, I wont deny that this very behaviour has also gotten to me a couple of times. Anyway, after having a horrible week and an even more terrible interview, I wasnt really looking forward to Holi!!! I mean how much of a difference can a couple of colors and some water make (yes! i was at my pessimism best).

Due to the lunar eclipse the previous day, I had to have a bath the first thing in the morning (some mythological thing my mother believes in)...
So, the scene is - its Sunday, I am tentatively going to play holi (tentatively coz I dint get thru Gaurang's number and I had no clue what the plan was) (Also playing holi wud necessitate having a bath again) and I am getting up early and having a bath... It shouldnt be a big deal I know, but all who know me would understand my harrowing experience ;) Laters, all chintu-pintu of the building, dressed up in their worst, went to play holi... fearing that I would mother them and spoil their fun I refused to go down to play with them... Then a group of Auntys came and pulled me outta house... And here I was drenched and pink + blue + black on me... And then just like that school gang made an appearance!!!

they were sporting yellow, red and all possible colors... after ensuring that we all look like the band of brothers (and sisters) we set to wish everyone's parents.... walking with them was fun, just catching up on lost time (we rarely talk to each other so often...) we went to Tejal deeds house, then to Girish's house and followed by Manoj's house in the same bldg... As usual, girish - the socialite had hajar places to go and hence we were supposed to watch time - which again we never do... Sheetal didi was without Vishal Jiju - so she was at her nuttiest best... she starts tearing Sunil's shirt for some reason (which she later explained as trying to find places to put colors)... Naturally we joined her (we rarely get to do that :)..) then came Mithun's shirt and Girish too (whose tee was very strong and we cudnt tear - this madu actually pays well for his clothes :)...) Not satisfied with this, she went organic... There was mango shake that Girish's mom served which was thrown all over us... Thandai served met the same fate.... Tired of Sheetal Didi's wild wild behaviour we decided to give her a taste of her own medicine... Me and Shivangi dragged her (later Girish carried her) to a place full of muck and she with her branded capris (which she kept cribbing abt later) were completely immersed... No wonder they say revenge is sweet :)))) A quickie to Gaurang's place where finally mud was removed and we looked more civilised than nomads :))))

After this the only this that came to my mind - Can married women have wilder fun only in absence of their counterparts? The sheer difference in the way Tejal deeeds and Sheetal deeeds played Holi made this so apparent.. Would I too do the same? Is it society that expects you to do it or is it the fact that u conciously remind urself that u r mature and responsible? Well men still seem to have wild fun after marriage too...

The school group dispersed and I went to a rain dance party with my junior college group... Music (loud and fast - my kind), water flowing and I suddenly felt light, relieved... Felt that the weight of the world does not reside on my shoulders... Dunno if it was the people or the place... went to priya's place later to wish her mom n sister (a ritual I do every year).... Finally when i came home it was arnd 3 pm and food was waiting for me... I was so famishd that i had lunch without cleaning off the colors, mango shake, thandai, muck (remains only) from myself (Yuck!! is the only response I got from anyone who knew this) Thus, effectively HOLI which reluctantly started at 10:00 am, finished only at 5:00 pm (after a bath which took one hour)... So, much for not wanting to play holi :)))))))

What actually made the difference? Was it meeting so many people (going thru the same trials and tribulations), just talking to them? Holi colors? Music which always acts as a healer? Or was it just a break from the monotony that my life has been sujected to? Was it that for once I was carefree, forgot all that could go wrong and just had wild fun, plain no strings attached fun???

Evening too we had some games in the building where I made aunties run (some game we kids and all moms played) and we played antakshari between the 2 generations (which was not concluded... they had a huge repository of old songs and we had old (thanks to remixes) and new ones) I realised towards the fag end of the day, I was more responsive, more responsible and started a fresh evening with an even more fresh outlook... tried to sort out my issues, treated myself to good music and sitcoms and helped my sister with her studies... Its been 4 days and the effect still hasnt worn off.... Somewhere the pessimist in me has gone under the layers... Will it surface again? I know that it will... Will I tackle it again - I know I will - but may be it wont be holi this time....

Bottomline - Changes are necessary... Either in form of doing something different or interacting with someone different... Just the thought that others go through the shit that you are going through makes you face ur fears and inhibitions boldly... On the other hand being in a monotonous life just brings negative energies on the table - whoever u interact with and whenever u do it....

Thursday, March 01, 2007

'To Be' or 'Not To Be' Yourself

Every relationship has 2 kinds of people in it. The first kind is the people who pamper…. The other is the ones who get pampered…..
The interesting traits to be noticed in these two types are:

Pampers [referred to as PS hereon] –
Listens to everything the other person has to say
Is more expressive, more romantic, more vocal
Is more understanding and more receptive
Calls very often
Always wants to be a part of the other person’s life – through all the trials and tribulations
On a materialistic front – buys gifts, takes out for dates etc…

Pampered [referred to as PD hereon] –
Throws tantrums all the time
Can get away with hanging up as per mood swings
Low on expression, less vocal
More aggressive, more demanding, more dominating, more space giving
On a materialistic front – Same as pampers (may be at a lesser frequency)

Therefore, as you can see PS essentially acts like the glue keeping the relationship together. They kinda make up for the affections of both the people in the relationship. This is the very core on which the relationship functions and stays stable. Problems creep in when PS starts expecting the similar things from PD. It’s not that PD don’t want to fulfill these expectations. But by the very definition, they are programmed to not function that way. Quite naturally, expectations don’t get fulfilled. PS feels betrayed and why shouldn't they? They are investing their entire energy in this relationship but the returns are few or none. But do we really blame the PD for this? Now if PD changes to match those expectations then isn’t this a negotiation. Isn’t this changing to something you are not?

I always believed that love is accepting a person as it is. But trust me! It’s nothing remotely similar to what I have said in the previous line. In fact it is a battle. A struggle to make ends meet. Mainly starts after that rosy period; when you are faced with the hard reality of time, changing priorities and distance. And it isn’t always the PD who becomes the reason for the outburst. There could be a case when PD may think that PS is just too emotional, too clingy, too not space giving. Just not his/her kinda person. What do you do in this case? Yet another negotiation??????? Or just part ways??????

What makes it even weird and a puzzling mystery is that the same person, who is a PS in some relationships, is the PD in others. Yet after seeing both the sides of the coins, people still have these differences. They have squabbles from minor points to major issues. How do you then still keep the relationship blooming then? How do you know the traits and yet be unreasonable? It’s not that you do not trust, yet you do not understand.

How do you tackle this issue? Where do you find answers for them? Why do movies do not show all these real life love stories? Why do they propagate the myth of girl meets guy, guy fights junta to get the girl and they live happily ever after…In reality.....

Loving is easy, fighting for love and winning it is easier but living with the person you love and still have the same amount of love for that person is what wears you out!!!!!