Thursday, June 07, 2007

Expressions

You go to any card shop - archies, hallmark - and you are bound to see one section called - Expression Greeting Cards... The cards of this genre - express things that you never verbally say (lack of courage or opportunity)... I found myself going to that section when bang came a mother's day, father's day or sister's day etc.... Was it coz I wanted to give flowery cards with poems or roses or Anne Geddes babies??? But this might not be the case since more often than not, I ended up buying a very simple card - its crux being - thanks for everything you did in my life and for being there or a plain I love u... Funny, aint it! These are the very people closest to me and I cannot say a simple thanks to them or a I love you to them!

What kind of a coward am I; I need a card made by a stranger and a day started by another stranger to tell them that they are appreciated, that they are special!!! To add to this miserable feeling, I am not even sure why did the firangs come up with this day... Every year I decide to check it up and every year after the card is given - this mission goes into oblivion! This makes me such a bad person - doesn't it? And given this very logical fact - why aren't these people doing anything about the bad person in their life??? Hasn't my mother completely lost it with my cribs and my ingrate nature? Hasn't my father lost his patience with my impertinence? When will my sister quit shopping for me - despite me not showing any enthusiasm for what she shops? And a scary thought comes to me - what if all this I mentioned above came true? The answer to this is very evident too - I'll DIE!!! Coz there would be no support system that helps me survive... Not remotely belittling the presence of friends and relatives in my life... But when the central existence of your life loses meaning, nothing else can help...

And so its very easy to take them for granted - Coz they are there - ALWAYS... A strange kind of love that has developed, over the years, with the sense of belonging and the knowledge of blood ties that bind us all... This love is well aware of its destructive power as well as its constructive powers and this makes miracles happen... There is this very sticky glue of acceptance that is the core of these relationships! So, if I move on to the next THE MOST IMPORTANT relation in anyone's life does this theory hold true? The relation is Spouse, isn't it? So, can we actually expect someone who has lived the formative years of his/her life in different surroundings to reach the same comfort level w.r.t how much to be expressed? Everyone, in their own right, does the same things to their families - then - can they do the same thing to each other and survive?

How important is expressing in this case? Does expressing on only few occassions suffice? If not, what is the point when you know that you have expressed enough? What if these points dont match? How do you cross these turbulent times to reach the ultimate halcyon in your lives? I know the answer of most of these questions is going to be - its dependent on the people involved.... Also, simple maths tells me that for this relationship there are more means to express (physical and emotional) and more time (considering average life of 60 years still gives this phase 35 years...)... Yet, we hear an anomaly - increasing rates of divorces, fights and misunderstandings blown out of proportions along with decreasing number of long lasting relationships...

Why does this happen? The simplist in me begs the answer to the following question - Why cant equations just be as simple as they are with our family... Why do we complicate the matters when a new person enters the core... Family and Friends just seem to do fine with or without the expected levels of expressions - then why does this ONE relationship get affected so much by it.... It works for family coz of the reasons cited above... In case of friends, even if they do get affected by this - I believe the repercussions of a broken friendship are a layer above the core and this helps absorb the undesirable change much better...

A dear friend always tells me - its easy to point of faults, its even easier to ask questions but what is difficult is giving a way of handling the same... I am not going to be presumptuous and trivialise this issue and come up with some scotch tape solution... But I feel what i say below works as a solution for everything.... I feel that just going and shouting helps - Go out there people! Talk, set your expectations right and make sure there are no loose ends coz they would then take the form of unrequitted EXPRESSIONS that cant close the loop.... And the argument will begin all over!!!!!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Jolted back from Inactivity

The inactivity was partly due to a sudden transition on a personal front (moving from a professional to a student) and partly due to my uncanny knack of getting things done in a complicated way... Gimme something that can be easily done and be rest assured that I can easily complicate it by introducing hajar variables... Sad story of my life but true...
A trip to Singapore had been planned since April first week... It was May last week that I finally made it there... But, this trip was wrought with hajar complications...

First - Tickets!!! My agent (ticketing one) suddenly got very busy and could help me out only by Monday (which was 21st May) I strongly believed that this is very late considering a 30th flight I wanted to take and the visa wasnt stamped... couldnt possibly book before that (as you all must ve wondered) coz my last date was not getting finalised... So, till those formalities were done, I could not go ahead with the booking... So, I asked Vraj to get it done for me on a Friday!!! (since monday seemed too close to the departure date) Smart, you wud think! But, the stupid Malaysian Airlines have no E-ticket and they courier tickets only to US addresses forced Vraj to order to his addr and then courier it to me (which reached only by Friday).. However, the itenary was sufficient enough to get a visa and it served my purpose...
Second - Visa... By now you would have thought 21st I shud ve started the Visa process right.. But, my agent (yup this is not the same person...) had to go on a 2 day leave the same week :( Net Net - no visa process till 24th and tickets were in USA... Finally Visa process was about to start (meaning docs were all given) and my agent says it would be better if Sudha sends a signed invitation... She sends... But her affinity for June (her bday) and July month (my bday) came into picture... Instead of saying 30 May to 6th June, she writes, 30 June to 6 July... So, poor thing had to fax the copy again... Many such docs made Sudha run in Singapore and me run from bldg. 14 to bldg. 1 a lot on the 24th... Finally, everything came thru and Visa was supposed to be with me Tuesday (29th May)

Third - Perhantian trip (highlight of the trip - one of the top 10 most beautiful places to visit as per TIME magazine) - This required me to start a Malaysia visa process.. Docs should be same except for ticket difference n that invitation letter... Everything was in place but one issue... Passport in SGP consulate and we cannot start Mal visa till we get it... It takes 7 dys to get Mal visa so in no way could I start visa process for Mal... But good news... I can get on entry since I am going for only 2 days!! Great luck I thought... Told Sudha and waited for passport to come through...

Fourth - ECNR - Chat with GS... on 28th May

Me - "YEEE! I am coming to Perhantian... Cool na"
GS - "what about visa???"
Me - "on arrival"
GS - "Cool, so have an ECNR right..."
Me - "excuse me - ECNR?????"
GS - "arre, its a stamp - blah blah blah - you need it to get Mal visa.. Should take around an hours time"
Me (slighltly panicky but firmly) - ok! can do it on Wednesday.. (confirmed with agent - personal presence not reqd)

Fifth - Forex - Cannot get till you get a Visa... So, cannot happen before Tuesday! But, got everything arranged so that it wont be a fight on the last day...

Finally the events that followed were -

1. got the SGP visa on tuesday but in Mumbai...
2. ECNR process was supposed to be started by Girish with an authority letter from me.. But, Mal e-ticket was not allowed, train tickets were not correct, personal presence wasnt there, TIME wasnt there... SO, after a fight (in SGP, Pune and Mumbai) we realised we cannot get it done :((((((( As depressing as it sounds but the Perhantian trip got cancelled... All the snorkelling dreams went into drain... And to add to my variable list, passport was with Girish in his office in mumbai...
3. Forex did not come thru to Pune in time before I left... So, had to collect it from Mumbai house...supporting docs copy (passport, Visa and itenary was with me in Pune...)
4. Last day at work was incidentally the same day of my flight... So, major running around happened and finally finished all formalities by 3:00 pm only... which made it impossible to reach my house by 6:00 when forex came to my house...

So, the vairables involved in this trip -
- Me in pune... had to make it to airport by 9:00 pm sharp as that was checking time (despite leaving 1.5 hour after the planned time)... On my way, volvo bus broke down, AC stopped functioning in the claustrophobic bus, landslide happened at the ghats on the way - leading to a major traffic jam...
- Girish in his office with my passport... I think its somewhere in South Mumbai...
- Dad with forex and bag - Coming from Borivli.. Now, getting forex also was a herculean task for my father and stud that he is - he could get it done... No docs were present at Borivli... So, finally after some phone calls he got it done.. Btw, my phone battery drained out - so during this time I (who had all the information) was out of reach...
- Namu coming with my clothes that I had to change (was in office formals since came directly from office) from Borivli... Clothes needed some altering and were at the tailors place till 4:00 pm...

I am sure by now who survied this account of terrible planning have concluded that I havent made it to SGP... And even if the optimistic folk believed that I made it, they must have thot - with the highlight trip out of the plan, the trip wouldnt have been too much fun... And all must have agreed the dire need for me to do some management course... C'mon - I must have got atleast one right ;))))))

But, here is the reality...
All variables converged @ airport at 8:40 (before time - in my case - is a big deal)... Me changed into jhakas clothes and got all the things in place... Came to SGP in one piece (despite this my first flying experience, despite having connecting flights - not direct ones and despite the fact that had Sudha not come @ airport I would have been completely lost... But nothing that my pessimistic brain suggested happened and I reached safely... Today is the third day (this was when I was supposed to be back from the ful-filled Perhantian trip) and the fun hasnt still stopped... Is it because of the place, the people, the excitement or just a change - I do not know... But, fact remains - that I am having fun and am all geared up to learn management lessons after a refreshing, badly-managed break :))))))