Thursday, March 01, 2007

'To Be' or 'Not To Be' Yourself

Every relationship has 2 kinds of people in it. The first kind is the people who pamper…. The other is the ones who get pampered…..
The interesting traits to be noticed in these two types are:

Pampers [referred to as PS hereon] –
Listens to everything the other person has to say
Is more expressive, more romantic, more vocal
Is more understanding and more receptive
Calls very often
Always wants to be a part of the other person’s life – through all the trials and tribulations
On a materialistic front – buys gifts, takes out for dates etc…

Pampered [referred to as PD hereon] –
Throws tantrums all the time
Can get away with hanging up as per mood swings
Low on expression, less vocal
More aggressive, more demanding, more dominating, more space giving
On a materialistic front – Same as pampers (may be at a lesser frequency)

Therefore, as you can see PS essentially acts like the glue keeping the relationship together. They kinda make up for the affections of both the people in the relationship. This is the very core on which the relationship functions and stays stable. Problems creep in when PS starts expecting the similar things from PD. It’s not that PD don’t want to fulfill these expectations. But by the very definition, they are programmed to not function that way. Quite naturally, expectations don’t get fulfilled. PS feels betrayed and why shouldn't they? They are investing their entire energy in this relationship but the returns are few or none. But do we really blame the PD for this? Now if PD changes to match those expectations then isn’t this a negotiation. Isn’t this changing to something you are not?

I always believed that love is accepting a person as it is. But trust me! It’s nothing remotely similar to what I have said in the previous line. In fact it is a battle. A struggle to make ends meet. Mainly starts after that rosy period; when you are faced with the hard reality of time, changing priorities and distance. And it isn’t always the PD who becomes the reason for the outburst. There could be a case when PD may think that PS is just too emotional, too clingy, too not space giving. Just not his/her kinda person. What do you do in this case? Yet another negotiation??????? Or just part ways??????

What makes it even weird and a puzzling mystery is that the same person, who is a PS in some relationships, is the PD in others. Yet after seeing both the sides of the coins, people still have these differences. They have squabbles from minor points to major issues. How do you then still keep the relationship blooming then? How do you know the traits and yet be unreasonable? It’s not that you do not trust, yet you do not understand.

How do you tackle this issue? Where do you find answers for them? Why do movies do not show all these real life love stories? Why do they propagate the myth of girl meets guy, guy fights junta to get the girl and they live happily ever after…In reality.....

Loving is easy, fighting for love and winning it is easier but living with the person you love and still have the same amount of love for that person is what wears you out!!!!!


Viraj said...

hey... nice article... good thoughts...

unpredictable said...

:) Ive put up the link to this on my blog now ... Need i say anything more?

xena said...

Great post and great thinking... thanks!

canceraru said...

barabar he.nice written,but in any relation im always the pd

Anonymous said...

nice post..but what you say is true in every interaction not just in a relationship..its true even in friendship and any other interaction..there will always be these two kinds of people....really good post.

Harish said...

Loving is easy, fighting for love and winning it is easier but living with the person you love and still have the same amount of love for that person is what wears you out!!!!!
And this wear and tear is what makes the love grow stronger and the living together worthwhile
Keep writing

VK said...

there is a pampered and a pamperer in every person.. cannot make a dichotomy on that basis across people.. as u said relationships cannot be sustainable if a person is forced to be just one of them..

PS: tho this is my first comment, have been a regular here :)

Anonymous said...

You write very well!! Congratulations!

Amit said...

I guess that a PS and a PD is sort of guaranteed in a relationship. Don't see much sense in pairing up to PDs and I would really want to see how two PSs behave in a relationship. That'll be a laugh riot for others.

Shahana said...

hey! dont know if you know me or heard of me.. i know a whole bunch of great things about you (no im not stalking you!) just spent a lot of time w sudha in sgp.. loved this piece, very beautifully put!

Sharmili said...

Hi Shahana,
just saw your comment. I am not even sure if this msg will reach you but its worth a shot since I have no other means to reach you...
just wanted to let u know that - Me heard a lot abt u too :)))
Of course the common link between us just loooooooooves to talk :)
hopefully wud meet ya someday!