This blog may be well beyond the purview of an engineer whose only experience is in the IT field but yet I would like enter the realms of the mind. I would like to explore the unexplored depths of the power of the past over the present or even the future. This topic is something that most psychiatrists work on for a major part of their life. And I have no doubts that neither can I match their proficiency nor their expertise on "how human mind adapts to experiences from the past?" Therefore the content of this blog, I would confine to my experiences - involving other people or involving me - and ken of my knowledge.
Case 1 - I get wronged in past so I wrong the people in present to seek revenge...
This is a section which mainly belongs to the serial killers n psychopaths... I have read many articles on how they are made. These articles were omnipresent (and also caused a spark of interest in junta) when we had cases of beer man killing rampantly in the city or that of cannibals in the country... Most of these articles stated the same observations... These people have traumatic experiences in the past, get abused and thus believe that the only way to undo the wrong is by seeking revenge... result - what they experienced, they make others experience... Not only do they have extremely justifiable reasons for this but also a flawless method of execution and marking their victim... They have no empathy, remorse, anxiety or guilt in relation to their behavior. In short, they truly are devoid of conscience. However, they understand that society expects them to behave in a conscientious manner, and therefore they mimic this behavior when it suits their needs.
Further reference - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopaths
Case 2 - I want my kids to be what I couldn't be
This is something I came across while I was reading Erich Segal's novel - "Doctors"... A kid commits suicide when he cannot come in the top ranks of the class.... He succumbs to peer pressure and kills himself coz he cannot fail... On further investigation of this suicide - comes a startling discovery... His father did not come in top ranks during his lifetime... And wanted his son to do so... So badly that if his son failed he was whipped... So, to make his father love him, the son set to accomplish his dream... And when he failed, he couldn't face it and killed himself... In this case, you reach a point where you fail to live upto the image of your parents' past that was created for you since your childhood... With the increase in competition, the number of suicides has always increased... May be each individual was a victim of this case... As a student, I did live in my parents past too but somewhere my father eased the pressure by being extremely understanding...
Case 3 - I live in anti-past... I am traumatised/disgraced by it and want to live a life completely opposite to it
This is something I have actually experienced in my life... I was in third standard when I pronounced something incorrectly and the whole class laughed at me... Trauma - is a relative term... For some it would be a loss of someone dear, for others it could be a harrowing experience... At the age of 10 years, the class laughing at me was traumatic for me... So, unconciously I placed a lot of importance on pronunciations in present... I would argue, go at lengths to find out the right pronounciation - which to a normal person seemed fanatical... But that was me, trying to be perfect in pronunciation - an 'anti-past' life in the present.... Similarly, different people have different ways of reacting to this case... Some will take learnings from a broken relationship in the past and do everything possible to do something contradictory in the new one... Some get ridiculed for say, thing A and result would be that you either know in-out about A or go so much away from A that it doent bother your life anymore...
At this point in time, I have seen or read about only these cases... Are there more ? - Certainly but I have not experienced them... But, what I do realise after seeing 3 cases is that you should try to not place so much importance on the past deeds... Goals that are missed, experiences that have resulted in loss - monetary, physical, emotional or status related... Consciously avoid it and definitely if it is having a -ve impact... All you need from the past is the learning - not a reason for your survival in the present, not something that you have to work on in present... Just a thot...
"Make each day count... Do not waste it on doing things from past but plan for the future and live for the PRESENT!!!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
Very Inspiring
FWDs are something that an IT professional does to while away his time when he is on 'bench'.... For the fortunate souls not in IT, "on bench" is a term used by us when we have fought to get a person allocated to our project but have realised that we have no work for him.... So, effectively what happens is that he comes to office, warms the chairs and then goes away happily at 5:00 in the evening.... In the process of warming his benches, he sends/checks forwards... chain mails, inspiring mails, jokes, blogs etc... One such inspiring mail when i was on pseudo project (psued way of saying on bench) is the one below....
Dunno what I liked about it... the cute girl, the simple message or just the fact that the message was very relevant to me at that point in time... Hope you guys like it tooo.... And be brave... (if you dont get this - its coz u havent read the content below yet :)....)
Dunno what I liked about it... the cute girl, the simple message or just the fact that the message was very relevant to me at that point in time... Hope you guys like it tooo.... And be brave... (if you dont get this - its coz u havent read the content below yet :)....)
Inaction breeds doubt and fear.
Action breeds confidence and courage.
If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it.
Go out and get busy.
Take chances, make mistakes.
That's how you grow.
Pain nourishes your courage.
You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Action breeds confidence and courage.
If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it.
Go out and get busy.
Take chances, make mistakes.
That's how you grow.
Pain nourishes your courage.
You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Mothers - You can never predict their reactions!!!
No!!! this is not a blog on the mahanta of mothers... It is definitely not to impress the importance of mothers in a person's life... Coz, there are no words that can do justice to that... And there is not a single article that can cover all the points of the greatness of the beings called 'mothers'... This blog is about how inspite of living with this person for about 24 years of my life, I have not been able to foresee her reactions!!! This is about how 'Mothers' can surprise you with their actions - right when you feel that you know her and can predict her reactions.... Inspite of having being born from within them, inspite of knowing them all your life, despite confiding in them as a friend, philosopher and guide - they continue to amaze us... I know many mothers in my life (my friends mothers, aunts etc) but mine is the queerest of the lot :))))))) (Well most kids would have the same opinion, I believe)
So, Mrs. Shital Phulgirkar became a mother of this terror called Sharmili when she was just 22 years old... And from that point on, not only has she guided me thru the 24 years of my life but has been my greatest strength and my closest aide... When I was 22 I threw tantrums and was as immature as a school kid - but my mother, at that age, ensured that I was groomed well... She made me learn - taught me - helped me transform into a socially responsible, intelligent individual... During these years, I have also tried to understand her.... I have known her to be a mature, sensitive person who cries when someone dies in a movie.... I know her as a very reasonable person who is extremely adaptable to change... Thus I never had to worry about generation gap when it came to her... I know her as a person who respects the value of education and the value of her values... A person who knows when to give space and knows when it is necessary to encroach on it... And most importantly, one who always kept her family's well being above her.... Thus, knowing these characteristics about her should give me a fair idea of how she would react to a situation right... But sadly, it doesnt!!!Coz, this lady continues to amaze me with her responses...
I was in school and I wanted to join Karate classes... No reason why she shouldn't allow me right!! But she refused - reason - I might get hands on practise of Karate moves on my sisters... A valid concern - yes - but would I really do it? And even if I did (kids at that age are dumb) wont she successfully stop me??? But "NO" was all I got... During my tenth standard I was supposed to go for a 3 day camp with other girls.. Now, tenth standard is a crucial year so I had expected her to refuse directly... She asks me if she sees this as something that can affect my studies... Eager to go to the camp, I assured her that it wont... And she agreed.. Just like that... In college, I wanted to go to a movie with my friends after the exams... Not a big deal I thought - may be she would give me time constraints, type of movie constraints... But she refused... Whatever were her reasons then, but it was a very small thing and she surprised me by refusing... It was a reaction which I hadnt expected... After about 4 years, around the same time, my sister who was in tenth standard (still in school) asked her permission for going to a movie with friends and she agreed... I guess on some level she opened up to this concept - realised that she was being unreasonable or a tad bit overprotective (and thank God for that)... A trip to Goa was planned... 5 days!!! 20 people which included only 6 girls... I was sure that my mother, who did not allow me to go to a movie with guys, would never concede to me going to Goa... But guess what, she was one of the first mothers to agree to send me there :))))))
I am now a professional... I am independent and she respects that... But she still is an integral part of my decision making process.... So, I wanted to taste Breezer (translated to Alchohol for her inspite of chintu percentage of alchohol in it) on the eve of International Women's day!!! There was a Pajama Party in my house and I just wanted to be a good hostess by giving my guests company... Of course, before asking her I had told my friends that I would not be drinking (anticipation of her reaction)... You cannot possibly go and ask your mother - "Mom, we have a pajama party and I want to indulge in drunken revelry (which would be her interpretation)..." But I still dared... I mean when you expect a NO already, it becomes easier to handle responses... Atleast I would have been happy about the fact that I tried... So, I dailed the number and asked her - only to be stunned for whole 2 minutes... She agreed... She said, "so long as you know your limits - I do not have any issues..." HOW COOL IS MY MOM :)))))))))) Of course, I did not get drunk that day - just tasted a lil of breezer and then slept off... But the fact that she agreed makes me respect her immensely....
And a final thing that made me write this entire blog... That incident would require some background knowledge... My mom never allows either of her daughters to travel alone.. She gets paranoid... becomes a worry-wart till the person reaches the destination or back home... So, I was 90% sure that she would disagree and reject the proposal of me going to Singapore alone to meet my friend... Undeterred, I did not try a round about approach but a direct question "Should I go?"... And by now you guys must have guessed what she said... She said "Of course, you can... If you think you can handle being in a foreign country and get all the formalities done before the time you can go?" this was like an icing on the cake... A person who dint allow me to go to Shimla alone, allowed me to go to Singapore... Of course the trip is still in the offing but its a great feeling that my mother actually took a decision that agrees with me :)))))))))
So, I present people - my mother... Who sometimes acts as if she is from the 22nd century and is all liberal... And sometimes as if she is from the 14th century and is parochial in everything she does... But, inspite of all this I adore her (everyone adores their mothers)... I love her immensely and I do not see anyone who can meaure up to her persona... If I am even one tenth of what she is; my daughter/son would turn to me as I turn to her and be as proud of me as I am of her...
It takes one mother to know how any other mother would function and decide... As a daughter, I have a tried to understand her and predict her actions... I am not 100% successful but may be someday in future, I would do that successfully (after I become a mother myself)!!!!!!!!!
So, Mrs. Shital Phulgirkar became a mother of this terror called Sharmili when she was just 22 years old... And from that point on, not only has she guided me thru the 24 years of my life but has been my greatest strength and my closest aide... When I was 22 I threw tantrums and was as immature as a school kid - but my mother, at that age, ensured that I was groomed well... She made me learn - taught me - helped me transform into a socially responsible, intelligent individual... During these years, I have also tried to understand her.... I have known her to be a mature, sensitive person who cries when someone dies in a movie.... I know her as a very reasonable person who is extremely adaptable to change... Thus I never had to worry about generation gap when it came to her... I know her as a person who respects the value of education and the value of her values... A person who knows when to give space and knows when it is necessary to encroach on it... And most importantly, one who always kept her family's well being above her.... Thus, knowing these characteristics about her should give me a fair idea of how she would react to a situation right... But sadly, it doesnt!!!Coz, this lady continues to amaze me with her responses...
I was in school and I wanted to join Karate classes... No reason why she shouldn't allow me right!! But she refused - reason - I might get hands on practise of Karate moves on my sisters... A valid concern - yes - but would I really do it? And even if I did (kids at that age are dumb) wont she successfully stop me??? But "NO" was all I got... During my tenth standard I was supposed to go for a 3 day camp with other girls.. Now, tenth standard is a crucial year so I had expected her to refuse directly... She asks me if she sees this as something that can affect my studies... Eager to go to the camp, I assured her that it wont... And she agreed.. Just like that... In college, I wanted to go to a movie with my friends after the exams... Not a big deal I thought - may be she would give me time constraints, type of movie constraints... But she refused... Whatever were her reasons then, but it was a very small thing and she surprised me by refusing... It was a reaction which I hadnt expected... After about 4 years, around the same time, my sister who was in tenth standard (still in school) asked her permission for going to a movie with friends and she agreed... I guess on some level she opened up to this concept - realised that she was being unreasonable or a tad bit overprotective (and thank God for that)... A trip to Goa was planned... 5 days!!! 20 people which included only 6 girls... I was sure that my mother, who did not allow me to go to a movie with guys, would never concede to me going to Goa... But guess what, she was one of the first mothers to agree to send me there :))))))
I am now a professional... I am independent and she respects that... But she still is an integral part of my decision making process.... So, I wanted to taste Breezer (translated to Alchohol for her inspite of chintu percentage of alchohol in it) on the eve of International Women's day!!! There was a Pajama Party in my house and I just wanted to be a good hostess by giving my guests company... Of course, before asking her I had told my friends that I would not be drinking (anticipation of her reaction)... You cannot possibly go and ask your mother - "Mom, we have a pajama party and I want to indulge in drunken revelry (which would be her interpretation)..." But I still dared... I mean when you expect a NO already, it becomes easier to handle responses... Atleast I would have been happy about the fact that I tried... So, I dailed the number and asked her - only to be stunned for whole 2 minutes... She agreed... She said, "so long as you know your limits - I do not have any issues..." HOW COOL IS MY MOM :)))))))))) Of course, I did not get drunk that day - just tasted a lil of breezer and then slept off... But the fact that she agreed makes me respect her immensely....
And a final thing that made me write this entire blog... That incident would require some background knowledge... My mom never allows either of her daughters to travel alone.. She gets paranoid... becomes a worry-wart till the person reaches the destination or back home... So, I was 90% sure that she would disagree and reject the proposal of me going to Singapore alone to meet my friend... Undeterred, I did not try a round about approach but a direct question "Should I go?"... And by now you guys must have guessed what she said... She said "Of course, you can... If you think you can handle being in a foreign country and get all the formalities done before the time you can go?" this was like an icing on the cake... A person who dint allow me to go to Shimla alone, allowed me to go to Singapore... Of course the trip is still in the offing but its a great feeling that my mother actually took a decision that agrees with me :)))))))))
So, I present people - my mother... Who sometimes acts as if she is from the 22nd century and is all liberal... And sometimes as if she is from the 14th century and is parochial in everything she does... But, inspite of all this I adore her (everyone adores their mothers)... I love her immensely and I do not see anyone who can meaure up to her persona... If I am even one tenth of what she is; my daughter/son would turn to me as I turn to her and be as proud of me as I am of her...
It takes one mother to know how any other mother would function and decide... As a daughter, I have a tried to understand her and predict her actions... I am not 100% successful but may be someday in future, I would do that successfully (after I become a mother myself)!!!!!!!!!
Monday, April 02, 2007
Alchemist versus Murphy
"Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time..." Sounds familiar? Righly guessed - our very own Murphy's law... I am certain that most of us have been victims of the validity of this law... For instance, how many of us badly want to reach on time and got stuck in a traffic jam or fell ill when we had an important interview, a fully planned outing or a party to attend... Leads me to believe that most of us have experienced the regularity of this irregular law... And for strangest reasons this law always gets applicable to me... My plans are always minute by minute when I have to meet my friends - meaning there is no concept of buffer time to allow inexplicable delays... Those timelines would work 99.9% of the times (which speaks of the efficient time management) but say I want to really be on time for this party thingy and this party would inevitably fall in that 0.1% zone making it impossible for me to reach there on time... And then people accuse me of being tardy... What they dont get is that it's Murphy conspiring against me... :)))))))
Reading is one of my hobbies like that of zillion others... I like Fantasy fiction in particular but I am open to reading any book, if someone recommends it... So, while reading this one highly recommended book I came across this sentence - "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it..." When Paulo Coelho took us through the journey of Santiago in The Alchemist most of the people just believed him... A story wrought with fortune tellers, dreams, travel and hardwork the story does seem believable... But what I liked the most about this book is the strong message it sends - dare to dream...
But reading this line just made my life more confusing... I managed to find ample examples of Murphy's law and its relevance in my life but I just couldn't get anything for The Alchemist Law... Could it happen that 2 laws with universal applicability are just not applicable to me... These seemingly contradictory laws that govern the universe but not my life... So, here I was; trying to find out how to relate these laws to my life :-
One which said - if there was one way to go wrong, you will go that way
One which said - if you are on a way, whole universe will conspire to lead you the right goal...
I am neither bold enough to question the validity of these laws nor am I foolish to ignore them... In an effort to find a resolution, I stumbled on this line in wikipedia about Murphy's laws and I realised where I was going wrong... It said that interpretation of Murphy's laws depends on one's outlook and attitude... One interpretation is sour and the other is an affirmation of the predictable being able to be surmounted, usually by sufficient planning and redundancy... This same rule applies to other laws as well...
Then was it that my interpretation was incorrect of these laws??? Was it because of my outlook that I got confused??? I mean my pessimism clouded my life so much that I refused to see the brighter side of Mr. Murphy... When all the time I blamed him for making laws that govern everything that went wrong in my life, I failed to see the learning... The learning to make sure that the things that went wrong once; could be avoided the next time... And working on these lines, I would have eventually reached a stage that would have led whole universe to conspire to give what I wanted outta life...
Thus, every law just fit perfectly... What I kept thinking were contradictory laws actually complemented each other, enmeshed deeply within the power of interpretation.... And this interpretation was the very basis of every law that came into existence... Newton interpreted the "Apple falling on his head" and made a Law of gravity... Einstein wanted to interpret behaviour of particles at speed of light and formulated Law of Relativity etc...
So, having interpreted this, will my life become easier hereon??? Will I finally reach the stage where the only law applicable to me is that of The Alchemist's??? I do not know but I am atleast happy that I figured something constuctive instead of plainly cursing Murphy all the time when things went wrong...
Reading is one of my hobbies like that of zillion others... I like Fantasy fiction in particular but I am open to reading any book, if someone recommends it... So, while reading this one highly recommended book I came across this sentence - "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it..." When Paulo Coelho took us through the journey of Santiago in The Alchemist most of the people just believed him... A story wrought with fortune tellers, dreams, travel and hardwork the story does seem believable... But what I liked the most about this book is the strong message it sends - dare to dream...
But reading this line just made my life more confusing... I managed to find ample examples of Murphy's law and its relevance in my life but I just couldn't get anything for The Alchemist Law... Could it happen that 2 laws with universal applicability are just not applicable to me... These seemingly contradictory laws that govern the universe but not my life... So, here I was; trying to find out how to relate these laws to my life :-
One which said - if there was one way to go wrong, you will go that way
One which said - if you are on a way, whole universe will conspire to lead you the right goal...
I am neither bold enough to question the validity of these laws nor am I foolish to ignore them... In an effort to find a resolution, I stumbled on this line in wikipedia about Murphy's laws and I realised where I was going wrong... It said that interpretation of Murphy's laws depends on one's outlook and attitude... One interpretation is sour and the other is an affirmation of the predictable being able to be surmounted, usually by sufficient planning and redundancy... This same rule applies to other laws as well...
Then was it that my interpretation was incorrect of these laws??? Was it because of my outlook that I got confused??? I mean my pessimism clouded my life so much that I refused to see the brighter side of Mr. Murphy... When all the time I blamed him for making laws that govern everything that went wrong in my life, I failed to see the learning... The learning to make sure that the things that went wrong once; could be avoided the next time... And working on these lines, I would have eventually reached a stage that would have led whole universe to conspire to give what I wanted outta life...
Thus, every law just fit perfectly... What I kept thinking were contradictory laws actually complemented each other, enmeshed deeply within the power of interpretation.... And this interpretation was the very basis of every law that came into existence... Newton interpreted the "Apple falling on his head" and made a Law of gravity... Einstein wanted to interpret behaviour of particles at speed of light and formulated Law of Relativity etc...
So, having interpreted this, will my life become easier hereon??? Will I finally reach the stage where the only law applicable to me is that of The Alchemist's??? I do not know but I am atleast happy that I figured something constuctive instead of plainly cursing Murphy all the time when things went wrong...
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