Thursday, June 07, 2007

Expressions

You go to any card shop - archies, hallmark - and you are bound to see one section called - Expression Greeting Cards... The cards of this genre - express things that you never verbally say (lack of courage or opportunity)... I found myself going to that section when bang came a mother's day, father's day or sister's day etc.... Was it coz I wanted to give flowery cards with poems or roses or Anne Geddes babies??? But this might not be the case since more often than not, I ended up buying a very simple card - its crux being - thanks for everything you did in my life and for being there or a plain I love u... Funny, aint it! These are the very people closest to me and I cannot say a simple thanks to them or a I love you to them!

What kind of a coward am I; I need a card made by a stranger and a day started by another stranger to tell them that they are appreciated, that they are special!!! To add to this miserable feeling, I am not even sure why did the firangs come up with this day... Every year I decide to check it up and every year after the card is given - this mission goes into oblivion! This makes me such a bad person - doesn't it? And given this very logical fact - why aren't these people doing anything about the bad person in their life??? Hasn't my mother completely lost it with my cribs and my ingrate nature? Hasn't my father lost his patience with my impertinence? When will my sister quit shopping for me - despite me not showing any enthusiasm for what she shops? And a scary thought comes to me - what if all this I mentioned above came true? The answer to this is very evident too - I'll DIE!!! Coz there would be no support system that helps me survive... Not remotely belittling the presence of friends and relatives in my life... But when the central existence of your life loses meaning, nothing else can help...

And so its very easy to take them for granted - Coz they are there - ALWAYS... A strange kind of love that has developed, over the years, with the sense of belonging and the knowledge of blood ties that bind us all... This love is well aware of its destructive power as well as its constructive powers and this makes miracles happen... There is this very sticky glue of acceptance that is the core of these relationships! So, if I move on to the next THE MOST IMPORTANT relation in anyone's life does this theory hold true? The relation is Spouse, isn't it? So, can we actually expect someone who has lived the formative years of his/her life in different surroundings to reach the same comfort level w.r.t how much to be expressed? Everyone, in their own right, does the same things to their families - then - can they do the same thing to each other and survive?

How important is expressing in this case? Does expressing on only few occassions suffice? If not, what is the point when you know that you have expressed enough? What if these points dont match? How do you cross these turbulent times to reach the ultimate halcyon in your lives? I know the answer of most of these questions is going to be - its dependent on the people involved.... Also, simple maths tells me that for this relationship there are more means to express (physical and emotional) and more time (considering average life of 60 years still gives this phase 35 years...)... Yet, we hear an anomaly - increasing rates of divorces, fights and misunderstandings blown out of proportions along with decreasing number of long lasting relationships...

Why does this happen? The simplist in me begs the answer to the following question - Why cant equations just be as simple as they are with our family... Why do we complicate the matters when a new person enters the core... Family and Friends just seem to do fine with or without the expected levels of expressions - then why does this ONE relationship get affected so much by it.... It works for family coz of the reasons cited above... In case of friends, even if they do get affected by this - I believe the repercussions of a broken friendship are a layer above the core and this helps absorb the undesirable change much better...

A dear friend always tells me - its easy to point of faults, its even easier to ask questions but what is difficult is giving a way of handling the same... I am not going to be presumptuous and trivialise this issue and come up with some scotch tape solution... But I feel what i say below works as a solution for everything.... I feel that just going and shouting helps - Go out there people! Talk, set your expectations right and make sure there are no loose ends coz they would then take the form of unrequitted EXPRESSIONS that cant close the loop.... And the argument will begin all over!!!!!

4 comments:

nutan said...

The reason for divorces, break ups or even loss of friendships is, in more general sense, drifting apart of people. That may be because of change/different expectations, but also because of some other reasons... And like family, we don't have to hold on to other people. I think of it more like an advantage. I mean, some family ties are such a big pain in the wrong place and so hard to get out of. But friends and parteners one choses. Why would anyone want such chosen relationships to resemble a relation with family. Why so much obsession about permanance of relations over choice of them??

Sharmili said...

my take on this is the minute there is an exit option in any relationship the very foundation is wrong... hence the insistence on permanence is important coz THATS what makes the relnship work... not once sayn insist of permanence despite being miserable in it... but its like a guiding principle that helps thru turbulent times....

choice - of course u do have... with friends and with ur partner... Even in case of family -u can decide who to be close to and who not to be close to...

the point is make a choice and stick to it (insistence of permanence) coz when there is knowledge of other options - the one in hand is not taken seriously...

Sidharth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sidharth said...

Sometimes you rely on the cognizance of the ABSENCE OF AN EXIT OPTION to ensure you sustain your relationship...

While some other times the EXIT OPTION gets naturally confined to the obscurity of your sub-conscious space. You dont need it (or its absence) to keep you going. All it serves is to help you resist temporary doubts.

One just needs to figure out which one of these territories is he/she operating in...