Life goes on!!!

As you grow older, you realize one thing - you may whine, crib or celebrate but LIFE just moves on!!! While there may be many opportunities you don't convert and many that you just crack, as you move on, all these past experiences fade away into oblivion... They serve as those anecdotes you share with your friends on a reunion or with family when you give gyaan.... On a contradictory note, till date I always thought that everything we do in life contributes to a bigger picture.... So, if I am going through a rough patch, I was led to believe that it is that black border of a bigger beautiful portrait - not pleasant by itself but very necessary to bring out the beauty of the portrait....

As you must have guessed, I have not figured out what life is all about... I always grew up in a competitive context so, Life to me means feeling that I am not a failure and thats all... No! - it moves on, no! - there is light beyond the tunnel etc. theories. And herein lies the core issue. Success for me is relative.... It does not matter what I achieve unless in a context I am better than most. Thus, what life means to me ironically, is determined by others. Strange isn't it!!! Therefore, while I have been an athlete, a dancer or a club president, it does not matter if I have not handled one aspect of my life well.... 'Coz when I pit against my peers at IIMB, my peers from VJTI who are in completely different setup (its like comparing apples and oranges) or anyone who can be remotely connected to me, I always tend to find people many times better than me.... Thus making me feel "Life Sucks!!!"

And once I get this into my head, no other rational thought has any space to make its presence felt... Then comes a teeny voice in my head (after days of incarceration) saying C'mon Sharmili, Move on Woman!!! And just like that, I am back to being my bouncy self.... Emphemeral as it is, this stage lasts for sometime till one more comparison - and I am back to the "Life Sucks!!!" mode. Point of this post, there are many things in my life to make me feel happy, lucky and on the top of the world.... There are many times the rational thoughts mentioned above enter my head.... Yet, I find myself in bouts of low confidence, self doubt, lack of faith etc. I am waiting for a moment when I actually practice what I preached here (in the first paragraph)... Not for the sake of being proper but 'coz, that I believe would be when I actually graduate to the next level of maturity!!!