1. I hate to have ANY meals alone... I would prefer starving over eating alone!
2. I always love to have people around! In every school, college or workplace I have visited, I have always had 3 groups! A senior group, my batch group and a junior group...
3. I want to ensure every comfort and happiness to my parents.... I wish to fulfill all their dreams which they compromised on for us
4. The best way to convince me to do anything is to get my mother to agree to it.
5. There is always inorganic growth in my relationships! It doesnt take to long to move from hate to like to love for me.... The other way around is not as easy or fast....
6. I am VERY "un-girly"... I have to battle with eye shadows, liners, other cosmetics and accessories every time I have to dress up for an occasion
7. As a kid, I have stuck my head in a metal bars of the gate and got stuck and have locked my sister in the bathroom
8. I am very competitive and I love to win bets!!! I jumped from second floor to the first floor in hostel blocks at IIM Bangalore just to prove a point. I ate chillies (chew them for 1 min and then swallow and not drink water for 30 min) to win a small dairy milk
9. My friends govern my moods.... So, if I have mood swings, trust me a few of them have fought with me and others have really gone out of their way to make me smile...
10. I believe in theory of zero expectations.... If you dont expect anything, you will ONLY be delighted at what you get from the other person....
11. I am a bunch a contradictions! I am pessimistic and at the same time I hope for the better... So, its no surprise that while I believe in having no expectations, I may have some from certain people!
12. Contradictory to many, I think of God when I am happy rather than when I am sad. When I am happy, I thank God everyday if something comes my way.
13. True cancerian to the core, place me in an un-conducive environment, I will first fite to make things right... When there is nothing working my way, I will go deep into my shell
14. I fasted for 11 Saturdays because we won a football match - not a significant one like finals or something but a random circuit match
15. I am passionate about sports (i cried out of joy when my section won the inter-section tug of war match) and about NOT reading newspapers (barely read 3 days newspapers before every interview i attended) :) I looooooove adventure sports
16. I HATE pink
17. I looooooove riding bikes. If you see my driving crazily, its me venting out my frustration. Bike Ride is the BEST way to calm yourself down. I dream to own a high-tech psued bike and join a bikers' cult
18. I have already planned the name of my kids, who are they marrying to and what profession will they pursue.
19. In college, I was not allowed to watch movies with friends. My first movie was 4th year of engineering with 5 guys - first day first show of Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone
20. I hate alcohol and its smell. But when I drink on insistence, I take shots instead of sips. And everytime I get drunk, I cry keeping a particular theme in mind. These themes ranged from "no one likes me" to "i am all alone!"
21. I believe in not keeping in buffer time when I schedule a meeting with friends. Result is more often than I am last or second last to join the group. I am not late, just that Murphy is in love with me.
22. I cannot look at a flower and go swooning about its beauty or go to a butterfly/bird sanctuary and admire the beauty of their feathers. The beauty I can admire is in men (rarely) and women (often)
23. I want to have a chimpanzee or a tiger as a pet. I hate dogs, puppies, cats and kittens... Dogs sense the fear in me (more prominently displayed since the last time I was almost bitten by a dog)
24. I am very immodest. You will always see me talking about me. But I cannot gracefully accept a compliment.
25. I have got every form of punishment when in school. I have been locked in class, hit by ruler, slapped on face, knelt outside class, knelt on ground, yelled at in my class, yelled at in other class, thrown out of class etc.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
I learnt in life!!!
I sat on a ledge with a paper in my hand
I penned down my learnings from the times of sand
I have learnt wisdom and met the wise
Learnt to accept grey, my world was black or white otherwise
I have learnt to be compassionate with all
How to face the most unreasonable and still stand tall
I have learnt to give love to all, even those in fray
Learnt that love is freedom and NOT to keep people away
I have learnt that humility is very important
How pride meets a downfall - a thing thats very evident
I have learnt to be competitive and be the best
Its not slitting others throats but empowering the rest
I have learnt that good things happen to good people
Thats bads will never go unpunished for the mighty or the feeble
I have learnt the power of praying - its intense
Of wishes getting answered - just needing some patience
But most importantly I have learnt that people come in your life for a reason
The weeds come for months and the flowers come for a season
I penned down my learnings from the times of sand
I have learnt wisdom and met the wise
Learnt to accept grey, my world was black or white otherwise
I have learnt to be compassionate with all
How to face the most unreasonable and still stand tall
I have learnt to give love to all, even those in fray
Learnt that love is freedom and NOT to keep people away
I have learnt that humility is very important
How pride meets a downfall - a thing thats very evident
I have learnt to be competitive and be the best
Its not slitting others throats but empowering the rest
I have learnt that good things happen to good people
Thats bads will never go unpunished for the mighty or the feeble
I have learnt the power of praying - its intense
Of wishes getting answered - just needing some patience
But most importantly I have learnt that people come in your life for a reason
The weeds come for months and the flowers come for a season
Thursday, September 03, 2009
...Is there any answer???
In standard two, I learned about a particular property of water…. It takes the color of the thing it’s mixed in and it takes the shape of the container that holds it…. Very mundane, very simple and very commonsensical isn’t it…. And imbibing this very property makes life slightly complex, if not entirely complicated….
This property of water is nothing but one quality that I can safely say, is common to everyone “living”: Adaptation…. Proven beyond doubt by Darwin’s theory of evolution and tested easily when you changed a bit of you to get accepted into a group. We have thus, evolved and adapted in varying degrees to become what we are today…. The level of adaptations could range from linguistics adaptation (where you use the slang that group uses often) to behavioral (where you tend to alter your behavior to give “acceptable” reactions to certain events)…. Every group you were a part of throughout your life would have been distinctly different from each other…. And as a result, you would have modified yourself over and over again….
Some people weed out the unwanted qualities through these adaptations and become better individuals while others go to an extreme and become clones of the most influential person in the vicinity completely losing themselves…. The net result is that there are many aspects – which are not completely you – that now form a part of your personality….
At this point, I wouldn't dare generalize but just talk about how I have adapted in due course of time (may be some people identify with it)…. During the first few years of schooling, I was with this guy who was creatively “gifted”! While I did have some potential, my association with him made my “drawings” good…. Not stopping there, I went on to take both the state level exams and clearing them… During the later years at school, my gang was heavily into sports…. Net result, I was a part of athletics teams and the football team of school…. At this point I wonder, had my group been the studious, teachers’ pets kinds or the culturally inclined kinds – would I have done these things? Is me becoming good in drawing and sports – intentional or associational?
In junior college, my group was this simple living, high thinking sort of a group…. It was with them that I was exposed to giving back to the society bit and I started to teach at an NGO…. College was primarily about sports (again my group had elements very active in it), debates (one of my closest friends was a studess in this field and I actively took part in such events) and technology (very good friends who were bonds in coding, robotics, programming)…. So, after 4 years when I joined the corporate world, I was a tomboy who was not technically challenged and a decent conversationalist (if not debater level)…. Later, my association with my roommate resulted in me going out for parties, movies, shopping extensively and becoming brand conscious (if not crazy like she was)…. My manager was heavily into history and gymming and just like that our conversations were converted into 2 hour gym sessions and reading about Roman mythology…
IIMB came and I was placed with the crème-de-la-crème as everyone puts it…. With such high standards, came a serious jolt to my personality as well. I became intensely competitive (everyone was just so good, that becoming better needed constant reminding), was prey to the hunger to make my mark (wanting to play drums, sports, dancing, FashP, writing cases, debating, making B-plans, having a good CG, being in different clubs – I seemed to want to do it all and do it well)... But the most prominent was becoming immensely practical bordering on callousness about things… My parents and siblings are still bearing the brunt of this change...
As I write this today, I am reminded of this conversation with a very old friend. She asked me for some advice and when I proffered she exclaimed, “What kind of advice is this? Sharmili I know would have never said something like this”.
I was forced to think that while I have adapted every time to find myself in this “grey” zone (sort of acceptable to all), is it the case that I have lost my “blacks” and “whites” (the core which defined me). Is it that in process of weeding out and becoming better, I have just lost what "Sharmili would have said/done"? Is it fear or is it not knowing yourself?
This property of water is nothing but one quality that I can safely say, is common to everyone “living”: Adaptation…. Proven beyond doubt by Darwin’s theory of evolution and tested easily when you changed a bit of you to get accepted into a group. We have thus, evolved and adapted in varying degrees to become what we are today…. The level of adaptations could range from linguistics adaptation (where you use the slang that group uses often) to behavioral (where you tend to alter your behavior to give “acceptable” reactions to certain events)…. Every group you were a part of throughout your life would have been distinctly different from each other…. And as a result, you would have modified yourself over and over again….
Some people weed out the unwanted qualities through these adaptations and become better individuals while others go to an extreme and become clones of the most influential person in the vicinity completely losing themselves…. The net result is that there are many aspects – which are not completely you – that now form a part of your personality….
At this point, I wouldn't dare generalize but just talk about how I have adapted in due course of time (may be some people identify with it)…. During the first few years of schooling, I was with this guy who was creatively “gifted”! While I did have some potential, my association with him made my “drawings” good…. Not stopping there, I went on to take both the state level exams and clearing them… During the later years at school, my gang was heavily into sports…. Net result, I was a part of athletics teams and the football team of school…. At this point I wonder, had my group been the studious, teachers’ pets kinds or the culturally inclined kinds – would I have done these things? Is me becoming good in drawing and sports – intentional or associational?
In junior college, my group was this simple living, high thinking sort of a group…. It was with them that I was exposed to giving back to the society bit and I started to teach at an NGO…. College was primarily about sports (again my group had elements very active in it), debates (one of my closest friends was a studess in this field and I actively took part in such events) and technology (very good friends who were bonds in coding, robotics, programming)…. So, after 4 years when I joined the corporate world, I was a tomboy who was not technically challenged and a decent conversationalist (if not debater level)…. Later, my association with my roommate resulted in me going out for parties, movies, shopping extensively and becoming brand conscious (if not crazy like she was)…. My manager was heavily into history and gymming and just like that our conversations were converted into 2 hour gym sessions and reading about Roman mythology…
IIMB came and I was placed with the crème-de-la-crème as everyone puts it…. With such high standards, came a serious jolt to my personality as well. I became intensely competitive (everyone was just so good, that becoming better needed constant reminding), was prey to the hunger to make my mark (wanting to play drums, sports, dancing, FashP, writing cases, debating, making B-plans, having a good CG, being in different clubs – I seemed to want to do it all and do it well)... But the most prominent was becoming immensely practical bordering on callousness about things… My parents and siblings are still bearing the brunt of this change...
As I write this today, I am reminded of this conversation with a very old friend. She asked me for some advice and when I proffered she exclaimed, “What kind of advice is this? Sharmili I know would have never said something like this”.
I was forced to think that while I have adapted every time to find myself in this “grey” zone (sort of acceptable to all), is it the case that I have lost my “blacks” and “whites” (the core which defined me). Is it that in process of weeding out and becoming better, I have just lost what "Sharmili would have said/done"? Is it fear or is it not knowing yourself?
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