Saturday, October 31, 2009

Every Guy's Dream - My new job!!!

I know that every job ceases to be interesting after some time - as in a dream job is just a mirage! But I still stand by my subject line...

For me, my first stint was a dream job (all the newbie excitement) and I was in love with my company - something like Saif's reaction in song "Main Kya Hoon..." from Love AajKal... In about 3.5 months (in my second stint), I am in the same state that he was in after that 3.5 min song got over! But that I still believe that a guy would consider this a dream job!!

Why you ask? Take a look at my day-to-day conversation with "people" and you would realise:

"I need 5 girls (to be recruited) by Monday"
"I can supply (send more appropriate) 3 girls by tomorrow after training"
"Mujhe meri requirements ki hi ladki chahiye... No deal otherwise!!!"
"The girls I need should have a good complexion and need to be presentable"
"Please remove this girl. Her (selling) services aren't satisfactory"

While one may be tempted me to call my profession by a completely derogatory name; please hold your thoughts coz I am doing nothing but recruiting sales girls (promoters) for my brand!

And now the subject line would make sense!!! Coz I think a guy doing this job would keep himself and the promoters quite motivated throughout the tenure of his project (I would like to believe using strictly professional means) ;))) But mind you, such a harmless (and fun!!!) sounding job is VERY challenging!!!

The encounters in real life in my job CANNOT be simulated in any b-school class or case...

A brief background of this industry -
The temp staffing agencies recruit people on their rolls and they work as our brand staff. The attrition in this industry is around 40 - 50% (yes! if someone is doing this - they are bound to be surrounded by girls all the time)! The requirement is just 12th pass (with decent english knowledge) and these girls are primarily equipped with zero responsibility, zero accountability and zero honesty!

Some of the most interesting encounters are given below for you to judge:

5. (11:30 in the night - I get a call) - "Madam, ek baat toh bataiye! Mere na chacha ke fufa ke bete ka bhai ki death ho gayi hai... Mein kal ja nahi paungi kaam pe ma'am... aap please meri salary mein se kuch cut nahi karna, yeh toh genuine case hai na"

Later found out it was her birthday so she took off - I dont get why not tell the truth instead of killing someone..

4. (I am on a conference call with Delhi team, I get 10 missed calls from my promoter)
Me: "Haan bolo Ms. H, what happened? Any issues - 10 missed calls diye aapne?"
H: "Ma'am maine mera first pack sale kiya... Yayyyyy!!!"
Me: (really trying to be too excited for her) "Awesome!! Keep it going"

End of Day - girl sold only 3 packs coz took a lunch break of 2.5 hours :O :O :O

3. (Arbit number on my cell - I am with my manager discussing my stint progress)
Me: "Yes!!!"
Other Side: "Hi! I am Ms. Kuldeep singh... I am a customer of "my product name". Ji maine XYZ mall se aapka product khareeda tha and it has this fault (explains the fault with hajar morality things brought in. Sunaoed me as if I cheated her)"
Me: (still grappling on how is this call was routed to me!) "Aapko mera number kaise mila??"
Ms. KS: "Woh aapki promoter ne kahan all product complaints aap humari madam ko bolo - woh solve kar degi"
Me: (still wondering what the hell did I do to deserve this call and in all minds to abuse but was at my best behaviour) "Ji I will look into it and get back to you. I apologize for the inconvenience caused" Found out how her grievance can be addressed and messaged her the solution!

But why does my promoter think I am wonder-woman is still beyond me!

2. Frantic calls from a newly joined promoter
XYZ: "Madam, yahan bahut issues hai madam!"
Me: Kya hua? Anyone said anything?
XYZ: "No Ma'am... Lekin mujhe yahan koi dekh hi nahi raha"
Me: As in??
XYZ: "Madam mein yahan khadi hoon... Koi mujhe dekh nahi raha... Mein kya karu madam???"

I tried to pacify her but not getting attention was a sure stopper for her coz she left the next day - changed numbers and of course never showed her face again!

And the winner is:

One of our outlet owners called, "Madam, please remove this promoter from this outlet... we do not want her..." I wondered what could have possibly happened so I asked if she was caught thieving, any jhols etc. Apparently, she created a scene with one of their staff members... To know the reason follow the timeline below:

Day 1: She reports to the shop
Day 2 - Day 4: She gets friendly with a guy and generally spends time with him, hold his hands and walks in the outlet, has lunch together etc.
Day 4 evening: She claims she loves him
Day 4 night: She sleeps with him
Day 5 morning: He comes and tells her he is married
Day 5 afternoon: She creates a scene saying you have to marry me... etc etc.
Day 5 evening: Wife lands up... More drama...
Day 5 night: I got the call mentioned above!!!


Yep!! These exciting encounters are an everyday affair for me... EVERYDAY!!! My day starts off with "Arre yeh ladki bhaag gayi, replacement do..." and ends with "Aaj 6 li hai... Hopefully aur ladkiyon ki jarurat nahi hogi..."

Typically these conversations happen at office (explains why my team of 4 girls stays far away from me) or in cabs when I am travelling between agencies (explains why the cab drivers sometimes charge me less than the meter fare)... But one unfortunate conversation took place in my house and after I hung up I saw my husband standing at the door... The look on his face showed that he heard the conversation... And he just plainly looked up and said, "I am scared Sharmili!!! Mera Ross (FRIENDS character whose wife after 7 years married a girl) ho jayega!!!"

Which is why I ask the guys I know - ANY TAKERS FOR MY POSITION???


Viraj Datar said...

Hahahahahaha..... the last 3 take the cake absolutely!! I mean how many different varieties of jhols, at how many different moments can promoters do?!! I wud be exasperated if I was asked to handle their love lives, their personal lives, their social lives, their financial lives etc etc.... I hope woh tera Asrani jaisa na ho jaye kisi din when in Herapheri, some guy comes and harrases him "Mere ko bhi aisa ek rapchik item de na... arre paise le na ... " heaheahaheha... wonder how u manage the incredulous stares frm people yaar....

the Rodeo Princess said...

I love your blog - I love the 'sound' of your writing.