Saturday, July 03, 2010

Such is Life!!!

Rains through your window, greenery everywhere, cool breeze and a warm "cheese" maggi... You have snuggled up in a shawl, all by yourself in the house and its a weekend afternoon where you can do whatever you want...

I have to admit such moments have been very rare in my life... Work - office or ghar ka, Catching up - relatives or friends OR movies have just made this time impossible to attain... The last time I was this chilled out was in IIMB!!!

So, what would you do/think during this time? Most people would take a deep breath,exhale away their worries (temporarily) and become calm to get absorbed in the spectacle called "nature"... I chose to get my IIMB laptop and notes/letter out and read... The history lesson of my life people; and the only learning from it was C'est la Vie! (Such is life!)

A note written about me said, "The coldness in her fights is only matched by the warmth in her care. You have to understand her to know her. And then you get addicted!!" My first thought after reading this was who shoulders a greater burden? Is it the person who chose to leave OR I for driving this person away? The answer came when I was discussing this situation with a VERY dear friend... He said such a situation arose because I chose to not stick to the ONE motto I live by "Live and let Live"!!!

You dont know what you have until you lose it... But before it came to that extreme scenario lemme thank God for digital cameras... Some pictures speak a thousand words! And these I saw made me realize that I am among the few lucky ones who is pampered left, right and centre!!! There exist people in my life who have vowed to make me happy as long as they know me (which means for the rest of my life)... One took a silly scribbled note given to him 3 years ago and promised me to take care of me - whatever happens... One who gave a shoulder whenever I needed one... One who patiently waited till I stop fussing... One who discussed every issue I had... One who made me smile when my insides were crying... Its a "happy" bunch - we have shared everything from notes to talks and the dreams of future!!!

I have innumerable notes which prove I love to be "child-like" (definitely not childish)... I sat back and reflected how, of late this has been just impossible... The child in me is being forced to grow up... Call it nature of work or the expectations of people around... Net-Net - The child fights at time, thus being childish and sometimes it gives up, thus fading into oblivion... The important thing is knowing when you can switch between these two!

A note which stated the incident of making a choice between career and personal life made me think why is this being asked of every woman! Why dont men have to have to answer this? And if say a man did make his choice, why is it frowned upon if a woman makes career as her first priority? At such times, I resist... Does that make me a rebel without a cause? Quite frankly, cause or no cause - I would continue to resist!!!

I had started to write my new year resolutions on paper... Silly I know but there were so many things I thought I would do by now and I haven't done them... So many things to do and I cannot shake the feeling of "Time is slipping away"! Things when you want to do something about your dancing, about your game, about your painting or about your music... About those goals which an immature youth had written years ago...
While I kept thinking of how many things I have to do in life, I was reminded of my meeting with this 38 yr old CEO... His struggle, his conviction and his place in the society/market today made me question - would I be anyone significant in the value chain - 10 years hence - professionally? I do not have answer for it but I know what I would like the answer to be...

And when you think of all the thoughts above, of the success stories of others around you, you doubt! You question where you have come and what you have become till date... There is always someone who is better off than you... That's my problem - I always find people better than me... And when you feel you are coming last in this race - you are faced with a series of "What have I done in life?" questions...

Its scary to have such free time... Time when you have nothing to do... It makes you think of what you could have done differently... Could you have prevented people from walking away from you? Could you be more happy with yourself? Could you do something to lose people dear to you? And the more you think - the more elusive the answers get...

So, on a rainy saturday afternoon with nothing to do - spend your time looking out of the window... Watch the merry kids getting wet in rains, the water-logged streets, the vehicles dashing water on all pedestrians! Taking a trip down memory lane alone may not be the best thing you do...

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